Sunday, May 24, 2015

Identity

So here we are; three and a half years post OZ landfall, still in the land Down Under.  Fortunately, we still live in the same beautiful home in dreamy Manly; the beach is one block away, and Sydney a 17-minute ferry ride.  The boys are thriving at their new school and look like Angus Young miniatures in their smart and proper school uniforms, minus the sneery, floppy lips of course.  Not surprisingly, they’re growing up beautifully, but shockingly, they’re growing up, Australian?  Will that be their identity?     

Reid has lived in Australia longer than he lived in America.  The boys use vocabulary like ‘cross,’ as in, “Mummy, why are you cross?” and ‘reckon,’ as in, “Do you reckon?”  But the craziest reality is they sound nothing like us anymore!  Every morning upon first hello, I’m always startled at their little voices speaking to me in a different tongue.  Where did your R’s go boys?!  When did your O’s become so nasally?!  It’s a frequent occurrence for Mark and me to throw sideways glances at each other upon statements like, “Oh, that’s such a shame.”

Parker was recently remarking on a framed photo we have of Mark and me a lifetime ago snowboarding in Lake Tahoe…sigh.  He asked, “What’s in the background of this photo ‘Mummy,’ it looks like an ocean.”  I said, “Actually, that’s a valley and Reno just beyond.”  He then, subtly, under his breath as he turned away from me said, “Vaalllleeee…” I startled!  “What did you just say Parker?!”  He smirked and giggled a bit and said, “Oh nothing.”  I hesitantly asked, “Did you just make fun of my accent?!”  He turned with a cheeky smile sprawled across his face, looked at me square in the eyes and said, “Vaaalllleeee.”  I burst out laughing and we both howled in hysterics.  He confidently remarked, “Well, you and Daddy always make fun of my accent, so I’m making fun of yours.”  Fair dinkum Parker, fair dinkum.

So it’s one thing – and quite funny - to have your son make fun of your accent, but it’s entirely another when a table full of your female peers makes fun of your accent behind your back – not funny.  Such an event recently happened to me.  I really shouldn’t care.  These women are not my friends, and throughout this dinner said women made no attempt to ask me a question, or show interest in anything I had to say.  But as I left, I lingered around the corner like an insecure little girl to eavesdrop, and sure enough, one of the women pulled out her best American drawl and mimicked something I said as the rest of the women burst into laughter.  It bruised. 

Through this experience I’m reminded about my identity, I am American!  And I’m damn proud to be American!  I mean I don’t have a gun raised in one hand and a McDonald’s cheeseburger in the other, it’s more like a rainbow flag in one hand and a quinoa salad in the other – which is just as “American.”  Anyway, I didn’t know what identity was until I left America, hell, I didn’t know I had an accent until I left America!  And I find it surprising for such a transient population as Sydney has for a group of women to have a laugh at my expense – about an accent.  Obviously if someone can’t get past my drawl, or doesn’t want to know me because of my nationality, then they’re not worth my time, I do know this.  I happen to find accents amazing and entertaining, but by no means does the way I sound define who I am.  It’s not what identifies me. 

Identity is so much more than the country you originate from, or the accent you have.  I have lots of identities, and I choose to focus on the identities of wife, mother, friend, traveler, a positive contributor to the world I live in, and many more.  And when I feel lost and lonely, which I sometimes do, and I wonder what we’re doing living so far away from the people that love us most in the world, I remind myself that this experience is only broadening our identities, more importantly, the boys identities.  They’ll always be American, but I believe they will always be a little Aussie too.  We’re just riding the wave of identity adventure.  All this is true, or maybe I really am that loud and drawly?!