I heard a song many moons ago, it's not a song really, but a form of an essay in music single by Australian film director Baz Luhrmann. It was originally written by Mary Schmich for the Chicago Tribune as a commencement speech. It's called, "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)," and was released in 1999.
Other than positive messages and rules to live by there is a line, or lyric, that has always stood out to me; “Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.” Having lived in Northern California basically my whole life I realize, I am a softy. I’m easily offended, and very sensitive to people’s actions and reactions. I know, no big surprise.
The first time I visited New York City was on a business trip in 2000. After attending an all day trade show at the Jacobs Javits Center I, along with 100 other people, was trying to catch a cab. I hailed a cab, after waiting patiently and politely for my turn, only to have my cab stolen by some man. As I walked over to “my” cab a man wearing a suit and looking like an upstanding, gentlemanly citizen, nearly knocked me out of the way and stole my cab. This happened 12 years ago and I can still picture this clean-cut, son-of-a-bitch with the determined look on his face as he STOLE my cab! I was shocked, distraught, and my Northern California softy self began to cry. How could a MAN steal my cab?! I was a cute 20-something girl with several bags on my shoulders and a wearied look on my face after having worked all day, and without qualms, he stole my cab! Obviously I’m still disturbed over the experience. One thing this encounter did for me, other than make me unbelievably upset and yearn for San Francisco, was to realize that I have a sensitive, soft-crab shell. This is even after I traveled through Europe for a year! I’m getting off on a tangent…
My point…I’ve found in my short time in Australia that people are not as “soft” as I am. Back in California, while on walks with my boys and Bodi, a stranger cannot help but smile and comment on my company; two adorable boys and a dog. I used to think, “If you can’t smirk at my brute, you’re dead inside.” Which leads me to believe, Australians are not only dead inside, but they have no soul,” (I’m obviously being dramatic). I walk Parker to and fro school everyday, granted Bodi is still in California, so I’m missing 1/3 of my adorableness, but I have Reid in the stroller (or pram), and Parker on foot. Parker is sporting his uniform; wide brimmed hat, white knee socks, rosy cheeks from a long, hard day at Kindy, etc., (you’ve read the post), Reid sitting at attention in the orange Bugaboo, noting the cockatoos swooping and the flowering trees dropping their colorful floral. Everyone that passes us has no expression, and no comment; they don’t even make eye contact. I try and catch their eye to ascertain what could be running through their mind at that moment, but to no avail. I don’t get a glance, a comment, or a smirk – just a stare ahead, an unused face. This tears me! How could you not glance at my gorgeous, gregarious boys without a simper?! Even while they’re picking up flowers on the sidewalk and passing them to their “mum” with a warm smile, glow, and a kiss?! Dead inside I think.
Then I ask myself why does their lack of acknowledgement hurt my feelings? Oh that’s right, cause I’m a softy. Which leads me to ask, are we, (Californians) too polite and cordial? I happen to like exchanging a, “Good Morning” with strangers. It’s better than a blank stare in my opinion. And really, who or what does it hurt and how much effort does it take to smile at someone? Maybe I was just hoping people walked around saying, “G’day!”
This noticeable difference between what I’m used to in California and what happens in Sydney, makes me contemplate the impact our environment has on us. It shapes who we are and how we react to society and everyone in it. The social norms I’ve lived by have changed all of a sudden and I’m struggling a bit to accept the new society and social norms I live in - i.e., not being overly polite and friendly to strangers. When I say, “struggle” I’m not really broken hearted by it, cause I do have the beach down the street and a lovely home to comfort the blow, (again, drama), but nonetheless, it’s a change.
So I've decided to take matters into my own hands! I normally subscribe to the, “When in Rome,” attitude, but not this time. You can take the girl out of Northern California, but you can’t take the Northern California out of the girl! That’s right, this girlie is going to conduct a social experiment. What do I have to lose? I’ve decided to exchange a pleasantry or a smile with everyone I cross paths with, within reason of course - on a busy sidewalk it would just be too challenging. Why not just be me?! I’m friendly, and ya know what, I’m a softy from Northern California! What are they going to do, lecture me on being too friendly? My guess is they'll be taken aback at first, but then give a smile in return, or MAYBE even a, "G'day!" That would be so cool! Cause really, everyone I come across has got to be thinking inside how utterly adorable my boys are. How could you not?!
Stay tuned for my sociological findings…
Tom agrees, being from the New York area. And remember, we're not just from Northern CA - we've been living/working in Marin! Home of San Anselmo and Fairfax.
ReplyDeleteI remember that song. And what I remember most was that line about NY and California, and how it made me feel lucky to be a Nor Cal girl. People are friendly, the weather is awesome and the landscape is beautiful. I know other places are beautiful, but California is special. The proof is in the cost of living (it's worth it, to me).
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience living in Dublin, Ireland. Only I was younger and weaker at the time. I had a total identity crisis and changed how I acted. It didn't work out, as we now know you can't really be anything but yourself. I think people picked up that my behavior was inauthentic.
Let the Stephness shine! Parade those beautiful boys around with glee! Those sorry people will be blinded by the light!